Wednesday, May 16, 2012

the truth is hardest to admit to yourself

i've fallen off the blogging bandwagon in a major way. i'm not here to apologize for it, because i think it was necessary, but there it is. i even missed my own first year blogaversary, which was a little sad. let me try and put the reasons into words.

at first i was on a hiatus. i was a slave to social media, and it wasn't good for me at all. i knew that i needed to live my life for real, instead of living it online, so i put the computer away. but not only did that cut me off from social media, it cut me off from writing. and...i wasn't sad about that.

i thought that meant that i was a bad writer, or not cut out to be a writer, or something else like that, and so i hid it. i went through the motions, and forced myself to write once or twice a week just to say that i had, and pretended like i was making progress. but i wasn't. not even a little bit. then april came along, and i didn't touch my wip at all. and i still wasn't sad about that. i didn't daydream about it, i wasn't brainstorming or outlining or researching. in fact, i buried it and didn't think about it at all. and it took a conversation with one of my crit partners to realize that i was avoiding it.

i don't love that project anymore.

that statement is by far the scariest realization i've ever had. it means that this manuscript, this idea that i've been cultivating and shaping for a little over six years, isn't worth my time anymore. it's not working. i don't love the idea enough to stay with it. and just like with any relationship, you shouldn't stay if it doesn't make you happy. the coolest thing about making the decision to walk away though, is that other authors have done that too. and they're okay. i read two posts today about authors abandoning their first books, and they both went on to be incredibly successful.

and, in the words of my wonderful crit partner, maybe that story served a different purpose than i thought it did. maybe it was meant to teach me how to write. maybe it was meant to introduce me to my writing group. maybe it was meant to teach me how to let go. to say goodbye and move on to a new idea. of which i have none, by the way. O.o

so what will i do now? i'm working on writing prompts until i find an idea i fall in love with. i'm waiting for some passion. i'm writing a short story about a tree that becomes a man, thanks to a young girl's love. it's weird, but beautiful, and i'm finally excited about writing again. i'm daydreaming. i'm making progress.

what are you doing?



  1. I've missed you! And it sounds like your time away has been important. When I go looking for passion, I tap into my 13-15 year-old-self and remember what she really cared about. That's where most of my story ideas have come from.

    I finished revising a couple projects in March and had a new idea rumbling through my brain. But I just didn't feel like drafting a new novel. So I took a month off just to read and fill my creative well. That month turned into six weeks and I still didn't feel like writing something new. But now the story is ready to come out. It's time.

  2. Well, I'm glad to see you posting again. Well, I'm glad that you posted. One post doesn't make "posting," I suppose.

    Me? I'm under an avalanche.

  3. And maybe one day you'll get a new idea for that old idea and fall back in love all over again. You just never know.

    I'm loving your short story idea.

  4. I'm kind of feeling like that about my WIP right now! Except, not about the whole thing. Just about these next few dang chapters! but I'm forcing myself to work through them instead of skipping them, and it's causing some avoidance.

    I'm excited for your writing prompts, though! Hopefully, they'll spark something totally awesome. (Yeah, they will. I know they will.)

  5. It's so hard to trunk a manuscript, but if it's the right thing to do, it's so freeing! Good luck to you! You'll think of a new idea soon.

  6. I'm glad you found an answer. I had to drop my first novel as well, but I still have fond memories of it. There was no real story, just character sketches, and teen angst. But it taught me how to develop plot, how to flesh out characters to make them more real, and how important it is to just finish the novel, and put it behind me.

  7. I just want to let you know that I miss you and that I'll be talking about you on my blog tomorrow. I hope you can stop by.


Now that you took the time to read my message, let's see what you have to say! Unless it's mean...then you can just keep it to yourself. :)